My journey back .. to myself

March on, little guy!

It’s an absolute joy to watch Mordy! Watching him play, dance and try to sing (although he is still currently non-verbal) brings a smile to my face!

Most of the time, I have no idea what is making him laugh uncontrollably but it certainly makes me laugh too!! It could be the noise that a character or animal is making on his tablet, or the feeling he gets from spinning around and around to get dizzy!

Over the past few months, I’ve experienced many emotions .. frustration, sadness, hopelessness, just to name a few! But I just started to begin watching him, learning what he likes and what makes him tick! And as I said, it filled me with joy…

Of course, some of the behaviours Mordy displays can still cause frustration but I’m choosing to focus on the things that make him (and me) smile.

Cherish the children marching to the beat of their own music. They play the most beautiful heart songs.
Fiona Goldsworthy

Where’s the meltdown filter?!?

I searched everywhere but I could not find one?! There’s no filter that softens the sharp kicks, pinches or slaps that can be felt while Mo’s thrashing around…

There’s no filter that will show Mo laughing and dancing along to nursery rhymes for his baby brother to see, instead of seeing him throwing his toys all over the room…

No, life’s just not that simple! And why should it be? From what I’m learning, Mo isn’t able to filter his emotions and ‘react accordingly‘. His sensory perceptions are disordered and he’s unable to communicate .. I honestly can’t imagine how that must feel.

I know that this journey will be a continuous learning experience and I’m already beginning to see that the wonderful moments totally outweigh any meltdowns and, that trying to make them ‘better’ will often be out of my control .. and that’s ok! If all we have to do is love him throughout, I don’t need a filter for that ❤

“Meltdowns don’t
‘just happen’
They are the result of growing frustration.
Not the need for control.
Mother & Sons Autism Journey

A change is as good as a rest .. yeah, right!

There have been so, so many changes in our lives within the past year alone and not one of them has made me feel rested!

As a mum, I know it’s totally natural to blame yourself for things that happen in your family or to one of your children. It doesn’t help the situation but it is a goto response.

When we began to realise that Mo’s development was not at the level it should be, I immediately backtracked over the past few months and wondered if all the changes we had experienced could be the cause behind it…

Was it the breakdown of my marriage? Was it the unscheduled ‘temporary moves’ to stay with family when I was feeling overwhelmed? Was it when we finally moved out of his father’s house? Was it the unsettling feelings of being in a new house?

These are just a few of the questions that went through my mind but I knew deep down that it wasn’t anything that anyone did, it’s just how it is!

Although the changes I made were absolutely necessary for the wellbeing of us all, it did not feel like ‘taking a break’ .. quite the opposite, actually! But I’m thankful that we’re feeling much more settled now and I can look back at all that we have been through and take a breath…

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by discomforts”
Arnold Bennett

Where do I begin?

In the beginning .. ok, maybe not that far back! But when I do think about when life began to change for our family, there are many different starting points I could choose from!

As this is my first post, I’m not going to overwhelm anyone who may read this (of course, I hope many people do!) but I will try to create some sort of introduction…

I’m a mum to four beautiful children and live at home with the three youngest. My third child, who is now 3 years old, is currently being assessed for autism and this blog is a way for me to talk about our journey; how we got to this stage and wherever it may take us in the future!

It’s a whole new world for all of us but it has very quickly become our new ‘normal’ way of life ❤

Things may never go back to normal.
You may need to create a new normal.
And that’s ok!
Johilder.com